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Quitting:
Do You Have The Guts To Burn Everything Down & Start Over
If It Meant You Could Regain Control Of Your Life and Finally Be Happy?
A few years ago I had a rather long discussion about the concept of quitting with a (former) shrink of mine. He  talked about spends a fair share of his time helping clients deal with anger and loss. Guess what his most frequent discussion and starting point for healing was?
Quitting...and knowing when – and how – to cut your losses.
He said: "Quitting does not equal failure, however, not quitting when it is indicated will lead to failure."
Hmmmmm...let me repeat that one more time:
"Quitting does not equal failure, however,
not quitting when it is indicated will lead to failure."
Okay, so what does this mean?
Many of us (me included) have been conditioned over the years–by our parents, a teacher or a coach...or maybe some huckster shilling mail order positive thinking courses during middle-of-the-night infomercials.
Anyway, conventional positive thinking wisdom in the past preached that “quitting is wrong...that quitting equals failure."
Remember the infamous "A quitter never wins and a winner never quits" line? I used to believe that and follow that philosophy, and it just about killed me. It’s not only outmoded, it’s completely unrealistic thinking in today’s complex world.
So what is most important?
As unpopular as this may sound, it’s the self-interest "him or me" decision model.
 In the long run once you think this all the way through, self-interest tends to be in the best interest of all. An honest evaluation of your situation – from crappy jobs to creepy bosses to dysfunctional relationships or out-of-control finances or drinking or shopping or gambling...you name it. Sooner or later you’ve gotta learn when to cut your losses. You have got to come to grips with what’s best for you and your family.
And many times – and I speak from experience – it takes a breakdown before you have a breakthrough.
Whether it’s finding a new job, ending a toxic relationship, reconciling a tax mess with the IRS or pulling the ripcord on that black pit disguising itself as your mortgage or the credit card companies, now is the time to seize control of your life.
The modern day version of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul is an exercise millions of homeowners go through every month just to make their mortgage payment: From getting cash advances off of credit cards to draining 401Ks or IRAs, it’s total and absolute insanity...as is paying minimum balances on your credit cards or ignoring letters from the IRS.
If family or friends are urging you to avoid taking a bankruptcy, tell them to put their money where their mouths are:
They can either loan you the cash needed to stop the barrage of harassing tele-terrorist phone calls or they can shut their pie-holes. Remember:
Sometimes you have to lose so you can win.
The late, great Howard Cosell once said:
"What's popular isn't always right,
and what's right isn't always popular."
Howard was so ahead of his time and so right on point and while you may not like what I have to say, in the long run you'll figure out that I was right all along. Quitting is an extremely "polarizing" topic, so I’m going to address the two biggest negatives I receive about my position on this topic:
1. People have a legal and moral responsibility to repay their debts.
You're right, we do. But sometimes life happens.
Sometimes things don't go as planned: People lose jobs and can't find gainful or "full" re-employment in a timely manner. People lose spouses, either to divorce or illness. They die. They get jacked around by an ex-spouse or former employer or the insurance company.
Or they bought in to the American dream of homeownership, signing the line on a mortgage that ultimately could force them into emotional and marital, as well as financial, bankruptcy.
Life happens.
We get talked into making bad decisions. We make mistakes. And because we’re basically an honest society, we use up our savings and drain our retirement accounts and run up credit cards in order to do the right thing. We pay and pay and pay until we’re outta cash and outta choices, and then?
 We’re toast. It's over.
There's nothing left to pay...a frightening reality for any one of the 45 million un-insured Americans who have made an unexpected trip to a hospital emergency room.
I pray to God it doesn't happen to you or someone you love. But when it does, be grateful that you live in a society that allows people to have a second chance. Is ‘the system’ perfect? No...there are always those cases that slip through the cracks and individuals who game the system.
And let's not forget that while we have an obligation to be "responsible borrowers" there's also an argument for "responsible lending."
 Don't forget that it takes two to make a credit transaction, folks...a point worth remembering when looking at the record profits the credit card companies have raked in over the last 20+ years, and thanks to irresponsible lending by the mortgage industry, our nation is facing a financial crisis that could rival the Great Depression.
2. But Ben, how can you say that self-interest is the best interest of all? That kind of “selfish thinking” is what's wrong with the world in the first place. What kind of message is that to teach kids?
First off, it's not my responsibility to teach your kids. It's yours, which makes my message even more important. Look, I'm not even remotely suggesting you don't care about "your fellow man," but I can tell you that putting the "needs" of Countrywide or Washington Mutual or Bank of America or Wells Fargo ahead of your family is absurd. Of course if you've never been in this situation, how would you (or could you) ever understand? First and foremost:
You must put yourself in the best position to survive
so that you can help your family.
You’ve flown in a commercial airliner, right? Have you ever read the "what to do if the cabin de-pressure-izes and the oxygen  masks drop down" literature located in the seat back in front of you? I have. In case you’ve missed it, one of the first things they tell you is: "If you have a child flying with you, put your mask on first, then place the mask over the child's face."
Why do they tell you to do this? Well...it’s simple. If you are not fully-functional first and foremost, how are the kids ever gonna survive? If you put their interest before your own, you're setting everyone up for disaster.
You have gotta be on your game. You've gotta be sharp and ready to play ball. And if you continue to operate under the old programming, the stress, the anger and the frustration are clearly more dangerous to your long-term survival than the fallout from failing to pay unsecured creditors, or throwing good money after bad on a mortgage you should have never signed up for in the first place.
Putting your needs in anything less than the #1 position will do
far more damage, in the short or the long run...period.
Sometimes taking control means giving it up...for a little while, anyway.
Sometimes you've gotta start over, and this frequently requires that you do your homework, lay the groundwork, and then burn everything down.
You do the scary thing...and then pull the ripcord. You jump into an unfamiliar world that offers to give you a fresh start, as well as your dignity...despite what society’s spin doctors are telling you.
Being totally honest with yourself and taking whatever measures necessary to right your ship and set a new course for your life is extremely difficult...but in the long run it’s the difference between success and failure. Between living a happy and fulfilling life or simply surviving a miserable existence with no relief or end in sight.
And in some cases, it’s the difference between life and death.
So be selfish. If you’re in dire financial straits with no way out of the red ink, then it’s time to put you and your family’s interests ahead of everyone else...at least long enough to create a workout plan that will let you get back on solid marital, spiritual and financial footing. Remember:
You’re not a failure. You just failed.
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